We are such a “fast food” society
We want everything done yesterday. Instant breakfast, microwave lunch, pick up already prepared dinner at Costco. Not much time spent in the preparation of anything. Less time spent focusing on what we are putting inside ourselves.
A friend loses a loved one. Early on, we’re there for them (well, at least some of us are). Then we go on with our lives and expect our grieving friend to just get on with their lives. We want them to find “closure.” (By the way, there is no such thing as closure when someone we love has died).
I keep hearing people talk about needing to let go. Now what does that mean? A loved one dies and we are supposed to let go of – what? Something upsetting happens and we are supposed to let go of – the thoughts, feelings, etc., about the event? Let go and move on. Move on to what?
We’re in such a hurry to let go and move on, and yet, in America, fewer and fewer people are willing to let go of their youth (face lift anyone), and no one is in a big rush to move on to old age and death.
Healthy grieving allows us to keep a relationship with the person who died. Yet somehow this important fact has been lost to the general population. Even so, most people, when pressed, will tell you that they do maintain some connection to the person who died. It may be through looking at pictures, talking to or about the loved one, and remembering times spent together, conversations, etc., etc.
As for letting go – how about learning from our experiences? We have them for a reason. If you’re angry, don’t just “let go” of the anger, find out why it’s there in the first place. If you’re hurt by someone’s actions, find out why you were hurt. This person may not really be a friend or you may learn that it was more about the way you reacted than it was the other person’s actions. If you’re grieving the loss of someone who has died, go into your grief and find out the tremendous gifts this time of pain and suffering has to offer.
If you just “let go” and “move on,” you miss the opportunity to understand some of life’s greatest teachings.
If you are considering a Bereavement Care Specialist and you are located in the greater sacramento area, Dr. Virginia Simpson is here to help. Dr. Virginia Simpson, the Bereavement Care Specialist services Sacramento, Roseville, Loomis, Rocklin, Lincoln, Folsom, Fair Oaks, Citrus Heights El Dorado Hills and down to Vacaville, Fairfield, Davis, Woodland, and beyond.
©Virginia A. Simpson, Ph.D., CT, 1/9/06